The whole family laughed, I even printed it out for friends!
Doctors are a noble profession. They help us regain our health and save lives. All doctors are needed, and we must give them credit for continuing to work in such difficult conditions!
And as in any profession, it has its own humor. We present to your attention a playful classification of doctors - from pediatrician to virologist! You can't describe it better. Read to the end, it's very funny!)))
Therapist
This is not a doctor, this is a manager. He has no idea how to treat you, but he can tell who knows. If he knows, who knows. But it's not a fact that someone he knows knows how to treat you. In general, despite the fact that medicine has made great strides forward, there is still hope only for God, who, as you know, was abolished back in 1917.
Surgeon
He is a surgeon like a sapper. Mistakes only once. True, if a sapper makes mistakes only once in his life, then the surgeon makes mistakes only once in your life. Even if after a surgeon's mistake you managed to save your life, believe me, you don't fucking need it. Like a sapper, a surgeon is guided not by accumulated information, but by intuition. And this is our happiness, because in medicine, intuition is still much more reliable.
Otorhinolaryngologist
These doctors have a clear inferiority complex. At first they were called ear-throated. But this seemed frivolous to them. Then they began to be called ENT doctors. But even this was not enough for them. Now they have teamed up with speech therapists, because without the help of speech therapists, people cannot pronounce their new name. And, to be honest, they don't really want to. The most significant help from these doctors is when you can finally hear the name of his profession without a hearing aid. Do you need it?
Dentist
Sometimes, in order not to be immediately recognized, they call themselves dentists. The most terrible doctors. One happiness, the number of interactions with them for the average person is limited to 32 visits. And for those who do not have wisdom teeth - 28 visits. But smart people have always said that fools live much easier (by 12.5%). So decide for yourself.
Oculist
This also seemed a little and they began to call themselves ophthalmologists. People are extremely unpleasant, because they always want you to see what your eyes would not look at.
Gynecologist
The most disadvantaged doctors, since they have half the number of patients than the rest of the Aesculapians. Interestingly, there are practically no men among gynecologists. Because everything is strict in gynecology - either you are a man or a gynecologist. Try 61320 hours a year to look at the most interesting parts of the body of women, and I guarantee you, you will quickly lose interest in them. You can't turn a hobby into a profession.
Obstetrician
The most respected doctor in medicine. It is he who provides work for all other doctors.
Venereologist
The only doctor whose meeting is associated with at least something pleasant. Yeah … For example, with pleasant memories. This is the most honest doctor. He is the only one to whom you pay for the pleasure, even though it was not him who gave you the pleasure.
Neurologist
In theory, it can cure everything, except perhaps syphilis and fractures, since all diseases are from the nerves. Practically completely useless. He can tell you “Don't be nervous,” but just like you, he has no idea how to achieve this.
Allergist
The most proactive doctor. He is absolutely sure (and it should be noted that he has reason for that) that all the inhabitants of this planet are his patients. Therefore, the main goal in the life of an allergist is to find your allergies before you run away from them.
Psychiatrist
And this is, accordingly, the most passive doctor. Unlike the allergist, he only vaguely guesses that all the inhabitants of this planet are his patients, and does not want to face the truth. There is also little benefit from it. Tell me, can another patient help a patient? It is interesting that psychotherapists exist, but psychosurgeons never appeared.
Resuscitator
The most envious doctor. He simply cannot allow you to be happy while he is forced to stay in this shitty world.
Expert in narcology
No, I'm lying. Here they are definitely the most envious, because they want to deprive a person of the last joy in life.
Sex therapist
God forbid you will never know about its existence.
Sexologist
This is the bright side of the sex therapist. The sex therapist tells you what is bad for you. The sexologist talks about how you can do it even better. The eternal theme is the struggle between light and hopelessness.
Dermatologist
You shouldn't laugh. For all the dissonance - a very necessary, albeit very unhappy doctor. Are you wondering who lives under your toilet rim and in other hard-to-reach places? Not? And he should know every bastard by sight!
Proctologist
Despite the fact that medicine has made great strides forward, these doctors have been and have remained in the ass.
Anesthetist
A very helpful doctor. He makes you feel nothing. And if he is wrong, it’s even for the best. In this case, you will no longer feel anything.
Gastroenterologist and nutritionist
An absolutely useless product of progress. Until the middle of the 20th century, they were quite successfully replaced by Solovki, Vorkuta, Sakhalin and other places of natural treatment.
Immunologist
The laziest doctor. He is always trying to shift his work onto your body.
Pulmonologist
The only doctor who does not share the misconception of his colleagues that if you quit smoking, all diseases will go away by themselves.
Urologist
A doctor with a very narrow outlook. Unlike a sex therapist and sexologist, he considers your manhood solely in terms of its side functions.
Cardiologist
Absolutely devoid of romantic feelings. Only in him the words "Heart, you do not want peace" do not cause any positive emotions.
Traumatologist
These doctors are very fond of sports. Almost all of its types, with the exception of chess.
Pharmacologist
If most doctors are engaged in removing excess from the body, then pharmacology, on the contrary, is trying to cram everything and more into it. And then they observe with interest how the body will react to bullying.
Toxicologist
Thanks to pharmacologists, this doctor will never be left without work. At least at the current moment, pharmacology provides more than 50% of its work.
Virologist
A very sociable doctor. It was he who had the rare happiness of expanding his circle of contacts almost daily.
Epidemiologist
The same virologist, but suffering from delusions of grandeur.
Pediatrician
Very cruel people. If all other doctors get to us already at a conscious age, then pediatricians are ready to deprive us of the most beautiful days of our life - our childhood.
Orthopedist
Eliminates the consequences of human bullying over his own body. If a pediatrician begins to take an interest in us from the moment of birth, then we usually find ourselves in the hands of an orthopedist immediately after entering school. In this regard, orthopedists work closely with the Ministry of Education.
Rheumatologist
The most harmless doctor. Usually he comes to you when sand is already pouring from you and you are already indifferent to the consequences of his treatment.
Radiologist
These doctors are doing fine. They first study you with X-rays. Then they study the negative consequences of their previous study. A radiologist, in principle, can learn a lot of interesting things about you if he suddenly has a desire to take advantage of the fruits of his labor.
Somnologist
Have you never heard of it? But in vain. These doctors are ready to encroach on the most sacred thing that we have - sleep. Purely theoretical - a very useful and even universal branch of medicine. Only somnologists figured out that sometimes it is enough to cure one person from snoring in order to save everyone around him from insomnia. But how to cure this one, they have not had time to think of yet.
Physiotherapist
In my opinion, this is just a sadist. For some reason he is sure that if you get a good shock, then it will become much easier for you. Apparently in childhood, these doctors loved to stick their fingers into the socket, and now they believe that everyone else must go through the torment that they once experienced.
Emetologist
And you thought it was all so simple - you got drunk in the evening and hug the toilet all night long. But no. An emetologist scientifically knows exactly what makes you sick. Even if yours is sick of himself.
Endoscopist
Do not feed this honey, let him poke at you with all sorts of crap, the purpose of which is sometimes unknown to him. However, the method is quite effective. The body very often, together with the endoscope, vomits out of itself everything that the endoscopist tried to get from it.
Forensic expert
The only doctor who does not even try to pretend that he is treating someone.
Pathologist
The most highly professional of all doctors. Only he knows exactly what and why you hurt.