In The Eyes Of Meanness. How To Maintain Balance After Impact?

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In The Eyes Of Meanness. How To Maintain Balance After Impact?
In The Eyes Of Meanness. How To Maintain Balance After Impact?

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"How are you?" - the display lights up with a message.

“Not as strong as I thought, but also not as weak as they think,” I print as a joke and understand that like this, without realizing myself, I have outlined what is really happening to me. I really could not walk the tightrope of the meanness set up for me beautifully, maintaining my composure and treating everything philosophically-neutral. In places I was rocked like a fishing vessel on a three-meter wave, but still I managed to keep my balance and even, although not painless for myself, to destroy a couple of generally accepted stereotypes, and this is always a good sign.

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What do we know about meanness?

Despite our long-suffering human lot, which one adherent of the truth so accurately denounced 2000 years ago - about meanness, that is, about causing harm through malicious intent, we know very little from personal experience.

It is tempting to mix this concept with betrayal, which, on the contrary, occurs quite often in life, and to announce the incessant decay of the human spirit, but a more attentive and impartial look will tell you the difference. Betrayal is based on the blindness of the egoistic nature of a person - someone is so striving for personal happiness, comfort and well-being that he is ready to infringe on the interests of sometimes the closest people. But still, the other person is not the target of the betraying's actions. The motive is only one's own benefit in the variety of its forms. Yes, it's disgusting. And it is very painful for the injured party, but, I emphasize, there is no desire to cause direct harm to another creature, there is only a desire for personal gain, pleasure, comfort, vivid emotions.

Meanness is worse. It has intent in relation to you specifically. And our immunity in such situations is not developed at all. We are very much not ready for the fact that people can consciously wish pain to another creature, and not just be callous and materialistic.

I never lived in greenhouse conditions, faced both problems in the children's team, and conflicts in my own family, there were some misunderstandings and even hostility at work, but all this turned out to be flowers when in one of the working collectives one of the department heads I personally did not like it. As a person. Either envy, or jealousy, or competition, or the naked evil of the soul …

Gossip behind the back, a demonstration of neglect in the face, incitement. As in an aggressive teenage team, with the only difference that we were adults and held responsible positions. I remember how they deliberately gave me incorrect information so that I would be late for an important event and would not be ready in front of the whole team. The participants in the plan laughed openly at the sight of my bewildered eyes.

The shock paralyzed me. I had no idea that it happens so that I could neither resist, nor react in any way, nor work. I was tormented by thoughts of how this is possible and why. It was as if my energy was blocked, and instead of the usual fountain of actions, I squeezed out the crumbs of deeds, constantly making mistakes and only giving a reason for certain people to confirm their innocence.

Then I could not stand it, and six months later I was no longer in this company. Questions: "How is this possible?" and "For what?" unscrewed me from the inside. I didn’t know yet that the answers to them should not be sought in any case.

I will not say that the second time, faced with a blow of ill will, when facts are turned inside out and mixed with blatant lies, pouring all this with personal insults both in my address and in the direction of people close to me and adding even direct threats, I was ready to the fact that people are capable of it.But this time I didn’t let the shock immobilize me, didn’t start asking destructive questions and, under the attacks on the world I had created with such difficulty, I developed a set of personal rules when faced with the dark side of human nature.

How to maintain psychological balance in the most difficult life situations?

1. Yes, baby! This is happening to you

All these: "For what?", "Why?" and "How can this be with me?" take us away from inner balance to an unattainable distance. They, like barriers, tightly close a person from reality, which says only one thing: this is happening to you. Already. It all happened.

An attempt to explain what you do not like (after all, you do not seek to explain every pleasant event, right?) Is most often a veiled denial that a person does not even realize. Denying reality is always a waste of energy. This is the law.

These questions paralyze the will, shatter from the inside, demanding answers and making you think that you must find them. Then how can you just refuse them. No, not from the answers. From the questions themselves. And there is no need for answers.

By accepting reality, and not trying to cram it into a framework that is understandable for us personally, we regain our balance and receive an influx of strength. We have the opportunity to interact with what is happening, and not wander in thought-forms, consoling ourselves with the next conclusions. It will still not be possible to change anything, but you can restore the energy balance due to harmony with the current moment, no matter how unpleasant it may be.

2. Nightmare on a silver platter

I have been using the technique of working with my main nightmare for a long time, it helps out perfectly during important life transitions, when you need to take a decisive step, which provokes a lot of fears. At such a moment, you sit back and call out to your main nightmare. Well, what's the worst thing that can happen if you quit? Or start your own business? Or will you get a divorce? Or are you going to travel alone for six months in Asia? By the way, this year's 10th anniversary, as I did.

Bankrupt? Loneliness? Not getting a job? Children? Lack of children? Diseases?

You take the main fear of a particular situation and answer the question: what will you do with it if it does happen? Calmly work out a plan of action. You look at the problem from an angle: "So what?"

So I went through stories with the fact that I would not succeed in my ideas and would run out of livelihoods or, for example, that I would never meet a close-minded man and would live alone. It is the practice of balancing your deepest fear and living it through a plan of action. After all, we have a heart-rending nightmare only about what we are running from and what we are afraid to admit. And then you sit down, and again this cherished word - you accept. You decide what you will do in this case. This practice is carried out alone, with a serious attitude and only once, so as not to inadvertently go into the area of ​​paranoia.

In a mean situation, there is always an aspect of manipulating your fears. Instead of “fighting”, proving to yourself and the attacker that you cannot be taken with your bare hands, just live your own fears generated by the situation. They are trying to hook you on the patient and are waiting for defensive actions, help this person - hook yourself. Get all your fears out of your gut and let them be. Decide what you will do. For every question. One by one. Fears melt away from interacting with them.

3. Double sport. Or at least half …

It is a well-known fact that with strong energetic tendencies it is necessary to hit the sport. I personally know people who, with hours of jogging or intense yoga, did not allow themselves to fall in situations of psychological attacks on their lives. But in my case, the increase in sports loads did not work, the body fell into such weakness that it even refused the classic standard, which is already quite low for me.Letting myself rest, I went for a trick - I reduced my load to nominal, but began to appear in the gym as often as possible. You start not so much with sports as with mental switching, which over time allows you to get stronger and increase the load.

For natures like me, whose pulse jumps to the limit from intense emotions and who may have a fever even from falling in love, it is extremely important to "ground" their charge with physical activity. Difficult emotional situations for us are simply insoluble in our minds, no matter how clearly we all understand and no matter how sanely we reason.

I can recommend a minimum of 5 or 10 minutes of continuous running a day for those who are in a situation of emotional exhaustion and are far from sports. You need to start somewhere. Let it be even such a small, but regular action. For stronger natures, the load should be increased. The task is to literally melt your pain, resentment, the very questions, aggression, anger, excitement and fear through movement.

4. Be strong - allow yourself weakness

There was an episode in my life when I intuitively, having never held books on psychological adjustment in my hands before, helped myself not to slide into the pit of depression after parting. I was able to reflect on the distressing state and gave myself a day for complete, boundless grief and self-pity, promising that the next I would not shed a tear. And it worked.

I was 21 years old. The first long-term relationship, which seemed to be the love of my whole life and in general my whole life, suddenly came to an end. I was suddenly told: "Everything", while in my picture of the world nothing foreshadowed this.

I packed my things with shaking hands, returned home trembling and burst into such burning tears that it pricked me: "How long will I leave this?" After all, I knew friends who could not recover from the fact that they were abandoned for months. And then I made a rather strange decision, no one prompted me, I never heard of it - it appeared out of thin air, but I trusted - I allowed myself not to restrain myself, cry, sob, lament, remember the good and remember the bad, how much strength is enough … But only one day. With the thought that the next - everything will be over. There will be new life and new plans. I kept my word.

The days of controlled allowed weakness are very helpful in this weakness not to hang. Do not multiply it on your everyday life, pretending that nothing is happening, and breaking down for any reason, but give your body and emotions time for a storm, grief, fears, excitement. By splashing out to the bottom, you are discharged and able to act more calmly. And you have the opportunity to tenderly explain to yourself that the time for tears has already been, the time has come to act and, loving, to win.

May the force be with you!

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